I Choose This Work

For most of this week, my energy has been caught up in Round 1 of Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) Team tryouts. ADR is exactly what it sounds like, alternative means of resolving disputes. For competition purposes, it is split into three sub-areas: negotiation, arbitration, and mediation. Each competitor’s performance is judged and scored. (It’s sort of a law school version of competitive sports.)

Trying out for ADR was very intimidating for me. I had never done anything like this before and it was mostly out of my comfort zone. But I was looking forward to trying something new and it’s good to do something scary every once in a while.

I signed up to try out for several reasons. ADR is a good opportunity to be involved and meet some good people, a good item to put on a resume, a chance to do something new, an opportunity to polish some actual lawyer skills (very few things in law school actually do this; school is mostly about getting someone to think like a lawyer), a potential for a little prestige, etc.

Also, there was an escape clause. By signing up, I agreed to complete Round 1 of tryouts, but if I wanted to, I could choose to withdraw before Round 2. Having that option gave me a sort of cushion for the uncertainties I had about trying out (would I like it, would it take too much time, would it get in the way of other things I want to do, etc.).

Round 1 involved one negotiation and one arbitration by each competitor. Each event was 2 on 2, so competitors were randomly paired, and each pair was assigned to represent the plaintiffs or the defendants in a dispute. We were given a fact pattern for each dispute, which consisted of the general story and facts known to both sides and a set of confidential facts for each side.

My negotiation was Wednesday night. My partner and I were representing Caesar’s Palace (the Las Vegas casino) in its claim against a group of raucous guests who (with the help of some hotel employees) had destroyed an expensive hotel villa. (The story was modeled on the movie The Hangover; it reinforced the fact that I never need to see any part of that film. But it makes a good fact pattern for a dispute.) We had 30 minutes to negotiate a settlement with the other side, while the 2L & 3L ADR team members acted as judges.

My arbitration was on Saturday. My partner and I were representing MTV in a salary dispute with the cast members of Jersey Shore (another show I don’t need to see). Each side had 12 minutes to present their case to a panel of arbitrators (the 2Ls and 3Ls) and an additional 4 minutes of rebuttal.

It was an adventure.

It’s hard to describe the fluctuation in my thoughts and feelings throughout the week. Saying I went back and forth between continuing with Round 2 and withdrawing from the competition is correct in essentials, but much too simplistic. Suffice it to say that I left my Saturday evening arbitration feeling extremely conflicted about whether to continue with the competition. And I had to decide soon since the schedule for Round 2 would be set around midnight.

So, as I went straight from the competition to the General Relief Society Broadcast, as I chatted with the wonderful Jamestown and Williamsburg sisters, and as I munched on some very appreciated (and delicious) appetizers, I felt a continuous mental and emotional undercurrent tied directly to ADR. As the meeting began, I had two prayers: to have an answer and to feel at peace with that answer.

Well, “ask and ye shall receive.” About halfway through the meeting, with half of my attention on the speakers and half of it on ADR, my internal turmoil calmed and I had my answer. But that sounds more quick and dramatic than it was. It wasn’t like a tempest on the sea being calmed; it was more like a restless leaf being blown along the ground until finally coming to rest in a picturesque and quiet corner.

Upon arriving home after the meeting, I sent an email to withdraw from the competition.

The interesting thing is, all the reasons I had pondered for why I might want to withdraw didn’t really add up to my ultimate reason for doing so. I knew and acknowledged all of those conflicts and I was willing to work through them. Instead, what it came down to was a decision between two paths. On the one hand was a valuable, rewarding experience heavily favoring law school and a subsequently strong career. On the other hand was a valuable, rewarding, more obscure path focused less on law school and more on other types of service.

May I emphasize here that neither path was bad or wrong. Both had good and productive and rewarding outcomes. Nor did I have a clear idea of what other types of service are down path number two. “But,” I said in my internal conversation, “if they are mutually exclusive, I choose THIS work.”

My answer did not come in the form of: “This is what you need to do.” Nor was I told whether the two paths are indeed mutually exclusive. Rather, my choice was my answer.* And along with that choice came the peace of letting the other path go.

(*Note: there is a subtle distinction here between two choices. One was a choice between continuing with the competition or not. The other was a choice of broader scope and deeper penetration. It was the second choice that was an answer for the first.)

Trying out for ADR was a good and fun experience. I’ve had an abundance of supplemental thoughts, feelings, and insights resulting from it. And at the core is a valuable gem of spiritual understanding about what I really want. So, I feel very blessed.

(And yes, I’m relieved that I don’t have to worry about studying additional fact patterns this week.)

Continuity is a Nice Way of Saying Stubbornness

This is a short entry. But because I’m stubborn and for continuity’s sake, I wanted to at least post something rather than miss a week.

Reason one for brevity: I spent most of the day working on a photo book project (those always take longer than expected). So I simply don’t have time to write more.

Reason two: The major topic of the past week extends into the coming week. I signed up to participate in the Alternative Dispute Resolution Team tryouts. The ADRT is law school’s version of competitive sports. (There are other competition teams as well.)

Tryouts will be going on all next week. So far, I’ve spent three hours in preparation for the first half of my tryout. That makes the event sound bigger than it is, though. It’s not really that big, just very detailed.

And for me, it’s intimidating. Thus it’s taking a lot of emotional and mental energy. It’s not completely out of my comfort zone, but it’s not completely in it either. (Which means it’s good for me.)

In any case, I may have more to write about ADR next week. Or maybe it will just be a ripple that fades away.

For now, I’m just going to bed.

Vitality

This week the 1Ls were trained on the three big legal research programs: LexisNexis, Bloomberg Law, and Westlaw. Each of these programs has a Bingham Canyon Mine-like trove of information waiting to be delved into. If I hadn't been sitting down for the training, it would have been staggering. Each program also has one or two dozen features for finding, noting, saving, and collecting information. It’s really cool.

From the perspective of a 1L, it’s also overwhelming.

But it drove home a point that was made last week in the Newport News Stake Conference. My Stake President spoke of how life used to be a choice between the important and the unimportant. It used to be enough to recognize something as significant or productive; if the item or event met that standard, it was worth spending time on. But, he suggested, that is no longer the case. Now we are faced with choosing between what is important and what is vital.

The tendency these days is toward more: deeper and broader research, comprehensive coverage, wider authority. As I was listening to the research program presentations, I wondered, “How in the world am I supposed to learn and use all of this information, when it’s all I can do sometimes to keep up with my reading for class?” The answer, of course, is that I’m not supposed to use every bit of data and every tool I've been offered. The key is to use the best tools to sift through the millions of bits of information at my fingertips and find those bits that are vital to my work. Then to leave the rest alone. That itself is a daunting task, but not a jawbreaker.

Strength is not found in “more.” Strength is found in that which is vital. Or to put it another way, that which brings vitality and life.

And as it is in legal research, so it is in life. There are things which are vital that cannot be left undone. That’s not to say there's no time for the good and significant and important. There may even be lots of time for those things. But the vital things are what make life the strongest and richest.

In other news:

• I saw a squirrel try to hide behind its tail by flicking the tail around as if were a cloak (it didn't quite make the squirrel invisible);
• I was happily caught in a shower of autumn leaves on my way to school one morning (other than that, it’s mostly been too warm and green to feel like fall); and
• I learned you can’t sue the devil and his helpers (among other reasons for dismissal, there’s no way to deliver the summons).

New Normal

As I sat reading my homework outside the other night, I was nearly run over by two squirrels squabbling across the deck.  When they realized I was there, one turned tail and fled. The other faced me, fluffed its fur, and stared as if to say, “What are you doing on my deck?” It seemed to be contemplating whether I could be frightened off like its fleeing cohort. I stared back, halfway between amusement at being stared down by a squirrel and relief it hadn't clawed up my leg.

Welcome to my new normal.

I feel like I've been in a fog for a few weeks. I hadn't realized this until one day when I was looking through my fridge and pantry and saw I had nothing much beyond survival food (Fruit by the Foot, granola bars, string cheese…). I wondered how I could have gone to the grocery store without getting something along the line of actual meals. Then as I thought over the last month, it seemed there had been a cloud around me, obscuring everything but the bare necessities. No wonder all I had were jelly beans, apples, and saltine crackers.

But now I feel I’m finally settling into a routine. In evidence of my return to normalcy, I drove to school without having to worry about when to make the next turn, I’m able to have conversations without an undercurrent train of thought reminding me that I’m in Virginia, and I got through my homework without feeling like I’d forgotten to read something. Maybe having a routine gives me time to feel normal.

Of course, by normal I don’t mean I’m used to everything. I was still surprised to see geese around the lake (and hesitant to run through the flock; I've had a mild fear of geese since a goose bit my sister when we were little); I still find the bugs & spiders/people  ratio in Virginia unnecessarily high; and the law school learning curve still feels like a 10% grade. But it doesn't feel like a different world anymore.

It’s nice to be able to wrap my head around the various subjects and feel like I have a general (if unfocused) view of how everything fits together, in school and in life. I was listening to the class this week when a part of me stepped back and delighted in how the sentence my professor had just spoken would have been almost incomprehensible to me two weeks previously.

I’m still occasionally surprised to find myself in law school, but it’s starting to feel like home.

Navigating DOG Street

I’m pleased to confirm that I survived my first full week of law school. The oncoming wave I was staring at apprehensively last week has passed. I came through it, perhaps a little more tired than usual, but unscathed. To continue the metaphor, now I feel as though I’m paddling a kayak in a rough sea. I’m definitely working, but I’m afloat and headed in the right direction.

I have four classes: Legal Practice (a writing and lawyer skills course), Civil Procedure (studying the rules that govern courts and lawsuits), Criminal Law, and Torts. My brother-in-law suggested torts would be a good class if it was about baking. Luckily for me, it isn’t, as my kitchen skills are generally at the cook-some-pasta-and-add-a-vegetable-to-it level.

Law school has a very steep learning curve. I feel like I’ve learned a great deal and yet only scratched the surface. My understanding of the subject has turned nearly 180 degrees in the last week, and I feel like I’m doing something completely different than I expected. It’s a good difference, though. I’m finding law very interesting. And I enjoy the mental workout. Settling my classes, homework, work hours, errands, and other activities into a new routine has been fun.

“Other activities” this week included a special tour for the 1Ls around the law school related parts of Colonial Williamsburg with a professional tour guide (and a short talk from “George Wythe.” Our guide told us about some of the founders of the law school, told us stories from Revolutionary times, and led us by some of the 88 (+/-) original colonial buildings in the town, including the courthouse and the Wren Building (the original college). We were then invited to a reception with Dean Douglas (Dean of the Law School), who took some time to talk to each group. It was nice to hear from him in a small group setting.

I’m on another learning curve as well: Williamsburg itself. I was in class the other day when someone mentioned DOG Street. It took me a minute to put DOG Street together with Duke of Gloucester Street (you can see why it has an acronym). The learning curve for Williamsburg isn’t as steep as the one for law school, but I definitely have a heightened sense of my surroundings. I like noticing the moss on the trees, the funny shaped leaves, the crowd of deer crossing the road (I was very glad to notice those), and the blue-tailed lizards on the walkway. I enjoy the process of building my mental map (yes, I have a mental map; considering my lackluster directional skills, this may surprise some of my family). Getting out for a few short runs and a bike ride, taking a wrong turn, wandering around a little before figuring out how to get back to the law school at the end of the tour…it’s all just different versions of exploring.  

I guess you could say the highlight of this week has been navigating all the newness and finding it to be a good fit. I’ve known, almost from an external point of view, that this is the right place for me to be. But this week I felt it more completely, as if I’ve been given a glimpse down the road of the impact this experience will have on my life.

So, I’m happy.