I Choose This Work

For most of this week, my energy has been caught up in Round 1 of Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) Team tryouts. ADR is exactly what it sounds like, alternative means of resolving disputes. For competition purposes, it is split into three sub-areas: negotiation, arbitration, and mediation. Each competitor’s performance is judged and scored. (It’s sort of a law school version of competitive sports.)

Trying out for ADR was very intimidating for me. I had never done anything like this before and it was mostly out of my comfort zone. But I was looking forward to trying something new and it’s good to do something scary every once in a while.

I signed up to try out for several reasons. ADR is a good opportunity to be involved and meet some good people, a good item to put on a resume, a chance to do something new, an opportunity to polish some actual lawyer skills (very few things in law school actually do this; school is mostly about getting someone to think like a lawyer), a potential for a little prestige, etc.

Also, there was an escape clause. By signing up, I agreed to complete Round 1 of tryouts, but if I wanted to, I could choose to withdraw before Round 2. Having that option gave me a sort of cushion for the uncertainties I had about trying out (would I like it, would it take too much time, would it get in the way of other things I want to do, etc.).

Round 1 involved one negotiation and one arbitration by each competitor. Each event was 2 on 2, so competitors were randomly paired, and each pair was assigned to represent the plaintiffs or the defendants in a dispute. We were given a fact pattern for each dispute, which consisted of the general story and facts known to both sides and a set of confidential facts for each side.

My negotiation was Wednesday night. My partner and I were representing Caesar’s Palace (the Las Vegas casino) in its claim against a group of raucous guests who (with the help of some hotel employees) had destroyed an expensive hotel villa. (The story was modeled on the movie The Hangover; it reinforced the fact that I never need to see any part of that film. But it makes a good fact pattern for a dispute.) We had 30 minutes to negotiate a settlement with the other side, while the 2L & 3L ADR team members acted as judges.

My arbitration was on Saturday. My partner and I were representing MTV in a salary dispute with the cast members of Jersey Shore (another show I don’t need to see). Each side had 12 minutes to present their case to a panel of arbitrators (the 2Ls and 3Ls) and an additional 4 minutes of rebuttal.

It was an adventure.

It’s hard to describe the fluctuation in my thoughts and feelings throughout the week. Saying I went back and forth between continuing with Round 2 and withdrawing from the competition is correct in essentials, but much too simplistic. Suffice it to say that I left my Saturday evening arbitration feeling extremely conflicted about whether to continue with the competition. And I had to decide soon since the schedule for Round 2 would be set around midnight.

So, as I went straight from the competition to the General Relief Society Broadcast, as I chatted with the wonderful Jamestown and Williamsburg sisters, and as I munched on some very appreciated (and delicious) appetizers, I felt a continuous mental and emotional undercurrent tied directly to ADR. As the meeting began, I had two prayers: to have an answer and to feel at peace with that answer.

Well, “ask and ye shall receive.” About halfway through the meeting, with half of my attention on the speakers and half of it on ADR, my internal turmoil calmed and I had my answer. But that sounds more quick and dramatic than it was. It wasn’t like a tempest on the sea being calmed; it was more like a restless leaf being blown along the ground until finally coming to rest in a picturesque and quiet corner.

Upon arriving home after the meeting, I sent an email to withdraw from the competition.

The interesting thing is, all the reasons I had pondered for why I might want to withdraw didn’t really add up to my ultimate reason for doing so. I knew and acknowledged all of those conflicts and I was willing to work through them. Instead, what it came down to was a decision between two paths. On the one hand was a valuable, rewarding experience heavily favoring law school and a subsequently strong career. On the other hand was a valuable, rewarding, more obscure path focused less on law school and more on other types of service.

May I emphasize here that neither path was bad or wrong. Both had good and productive and rewarding outcomes. Nor did I have a clear idea of what other types of service are down path number two. “But,” I said in my internal conversation, “if they are mutually exclusive, I choose THIS work.”

My answer did not come in the form of: “This is what you need to do.” Nor was I told whether the two paths are indeed mutually exclusive. Rather, my choice was my answer.* And along with that choice came the peace of letting the other path go.

(*Note: there is a subtle distinction here between two choices. One was a choice between continuing with the competition or not. The other was a choice of broader scope and deeper penetration. It was the second choice that was an answer for the first.)

Trying out for ADR was a good and fun experience. I’ve had an abundance of supplemental thoughts, feelings, and insights resulting from it. And at the core is a valuable gem of spiritual understanding about what I really want. So, I feel very blessed.

(And yes, I’m relieved that I don’t have to worry about studying additional fact patterns this week.)